Metaphysics of Porn

Sir William Metaphysics Master

Powerful Eric: Welcome to season two of porn talk. The purpose of this show is to help you end the porn habit and reclaim your power. But this is not just about breaking addictions, it’s about breaking belief systems. We are bound by self-imposed and societal chains, break those rusty old chains and get empowered right now. Today we’re going to have a good time with my friend who teaches classes on things like the will to change, the power to heal, mastering mindfulness, awakening the wounded healer, ascension. So, welcome back our night of metaphysics and all-around great guy, my good friend, William Duffin, aka a Happy Medium Will. Welcome back Sir William!

William: Thank you.

Powerful Eric: William Tell me, I listed a bunch of your classes. What’s your latest class that you’re teaching?

William: I just started another one yesterday, the first in a series of five called awakening the wounded healer, a Kundalini and Chakra workshop.

Powerful Eric: So, tell us a little about more about that.

William: Okay, well, Chakras are a Sanskrit term for energy centers in your body and most resources that you look at will focus on the seven main ones in your body. And then Kundalini is an energy that each of us have that when activated, goes up through the Chakras along your spine and interacts with them. And then I call it awakening the wounded healer, because of basically Carl Young’s work and the archetype of the person who has been wounded, healed his or her wound and then teaches what they learned from that to other people.

Powerful Eric: Okay.

William: And so, I appreciate you inviting me here today. I was wondering, is there some reason we haven’t heard for you for a while?

Powerful Eric: Well, I guess you could say I am one of those wounded healers, I’m helping people to heal from porn. I had a slip and not just a slip, I had a relapse.

William: Would you like to share what happened?

Powerful Eric: Well, not really. But I’m going to.

William: Okay.

Powerful Eric: I actually had several people say no, don’t tell.  You’re the guy, don’t tell them about this, and I thought a lot about it. So no, I want to be on the up and up and so I did have a slip and a relapse. What happened is, I had started a new job. I was super stressed, I was on 100% commission-based job sales, and I had my second son was born, and because of that, we were getting very little sleep. And so, my relationship with my wife was stressed, and when I started my new job, I stopped doing the things that kept me sober in the first place. Stop meditating and basically for a while, I was like a dry drunk, you know, I wasn’t acting out, but I wasn’t doing the things that kept me sober and I didn’t feel like I could do another show. That’s why I haven’t done another show, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. So, I just stopped.

William: Well, I for one, appreciate your authenticity. So, you’re back now in the groove of the new season?

Powerful Eric: Yeah, but I wanted to share what I learned. I don’t want to be one of those perfect gurus, these people that portray themselves as having all the answers. I am a faulty, flawed human being. And I will tell you, I don’t have all the answers, but I got some. And I still believe that using the science of mindfulness is one of the best ways to break addictions.

William: Absolutely. It’s the foundation of everything I do and teach as well. Is there anything you’d like to share about what you learned in this experience?

Powerful Eric: Yeah, well, and this is grown over time. I wanted to say that one of the things I learned is, with most addictions, it’s two steps forward one step back. And I don’t know many people, at least with porn addiction that have been able to just completely stop and never ever do it again. So, you know, to be easy on yourself, you may slip up every now and again. And this is one of the things other things I learned, is that this is one of the reasons why I don’t encourage people to count days. In 12 step programs, you count how many days that you’ve been sober, and you get a coin, every time you’re a week, a day, a week, a month, a year, whatever. And a lot of people kind of wear that as a badge of honor. But then what happens? Oftentimes, if somebody has, let’s say, they’re five years sober, and then they have a slip, well, there is this huge deal, and it will spiral out of control and you just have to get back to the one-day chip. And for me, I found it to be counterproductive. There are also the people that may have a lot of long-term sobriety, they are what are considered dry drunks. No, they’re not viewing porn or no, they’re not acting out with alcohol or whatever their drug choices, but they’re not doing the thing, but their life is a mess. They are a mess, they’re not doing the things to keep them sober. They’re just white knuckling it and you know? So, what big deal if you’re sober five years and your life is a mess, you know, if your life is a mess, then you’re being a dick.

William: Well, I’m putting myself in that person’s place and asking. Well, first of all, here’s what this makes me think of. So, I’ve been sober for five years, I have a slip, I have a relapse. So, what you’re describing is in my mind now, that whole five year was for nothing? Because I’ve relapsed.

Powerful Eric:  NO!  That  is not what I mean.  It was a absolutely invaluable learning experience.  No that is not what I meant.   What I mean is then you go back to your one-day check, you know.

William: Well, really what it sounds to me like, because what it seems to me like, if I’m that person I’ve have five years in one day minus that week I was drinking.

Powerful Eric: Right.

William: Okay.

Powerful Eric: Yeah. I mean, that’s the way a lot of people are looking at it, and that’s the healthier way to look at it.

William: Right.

Powerful Eric: For me, it was counterproductive.

William: Right.

Powerful Eric: For example, when you get to two years, then you are I feel like, well, gosh, you have to hold on and make it another day or another year. And it was just counterproductive.

William: Okay.

Powerful Eric: So, it’s a kind of stress.

William: Right, it kind of makes you obsess over the time.

Powerful Eric: Yeah.

William: Okay. Can I tell you what I’ve learned about the mind?

Powerful Eric: Sure.

William: Okay. A friend of mine, Don Ferguson, who’s a Hypnotherapist. She told me it takes 91 days to change a habit, it takes 91 days to change your thinking on something. So, if you can do something for 91 days, you can do it forever. So, if you’ve done it for 92 days or a year or five years, and you have a slip up, well, your brain is already reconditioned, you can go back to that, it’s a lot easier to get back on the bike than it was five years ago. So, that’s one thing I learned about the Physiology of the brain. Okay. Another thing I’ve learned about the Metaphysics of it, if you will, is we put this in terms of Chakras, we can put this term of spirits, we can put it in a lot of different frameworks. But since I just taught this Chakra class, if you can imagine there’s seven basic main Chakras along your spine from the top of your head to the bottom of your spine. These Chakras have energy memories. So, just like the brain, you have energetic bodies. So, to put it in terms of addiction, you might say I’m fighting that same thing, the way I’m fighting my brain conditioning, my brain patterns, my thought patterns, okay? On the other side of that coin is as you change your behavior and change the thoughts behind that behavior, you’re also healing the energy in your body and the traumas that caused it in the first place. That’s why I’m an advocate of therapy, good old-fashioned therapy as well. Because if you’re, and I like that term, you use white knuckling. If you’re just willing yourself to not drink, but you’re not really healing yourself. Well, then that’s the way it’s going to be basically until you change the causal thoughts and heal the wound that caused it in the first place. Thank you for bringing me back in my little brain to awaking the wounded healer, that’s the title. You know, it’s all about healing your wounds, I mean, for a lot of people. Okay, I’ll tell you another thing I learned from Psychology when I was in college about 8 million years ago. A client comes to you and describes their behavior. One of the questions that you’re asking yourself, and sometimes you actually ask the client, what benefit do you get from that behavior? Okay, yeah. So, the benefit you get from that behavior addresses the wound, that you are masking with the behavior. And you mentioned another class that I teach called “The world to change, the power to heal”. And that class, we talked about that in very frank terms, we talked about wounds, the masks we wear, i.e., you know, how we cope with that wound, and how to heal it. Because we look at the cause of thought behind.

Powerful Eric: So, you brought up the idea that we do, you brought up that there is a benefit to be had by doing the thing.

William: Yes.

Powerful Eric: Now can you expand on that?

William: Sure, let’s get an example. It’s an easy example in children, because their behavior is so easy to observe. The same way that like a toddler throws a fit, the toddler is not going to fit because of what he thinks he’s going to fit about, basically. He’s throwing a fit because he wants attention. So, a lot of behavior is simply attention seeking behavior. Okay, like, maybe I indulged in porn, because subconsciously, I want to get caught. Because subconsciously, I want that attention. I mean, and I’m not a therapist, okay. I do have a little bit of education, but I’m not a therapist. Okay? But it’s, once you learn how the mind works, it’s pretty easy to see and there are books on this stuff, too. You know, or you can look up a disease a disorder or a behavior pattern and research the cause or thought behind it.

Powerful Eric: There is a book by Louise Hay, “You can heal your life, you can also heal your body”.

William: Yeah, Louise Hay is one and I like the one by Lisa Corbeau, she’s Canadian and she wrote one called “Your body’s telling you to love yourself”. Very similar book.

Powerful Eric: And we could find a whole lot more like that.

William: Yeah, I’m teaching a new class in February, I think it’s February 12. Which is about the most important relationship in your life, the one with yourself. Right before Valentine’s Day.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, I remember in high school, I was raised Catholic. And there was a class that was Todd of his chemical Metaphysical class and the instructor on this said the most important relationship is the relationship with yourself.

William: Fantastic.

Powerful Eric: Well, yeah, it was fantastic. But one of the kids told their mother and father and the teacher got in trouble because the most important relationship was your relationship with God. And so, they had this big, heated debate.

William: Interesting. Another subject for another day.

Powerful Eric: Oh, okay. One of the things that I advocate rather than just counting days on what you are not doing, rewarding yourself for not doing something, as you would do the complete opposite, is like to count the days that maybe that you’re exercising, reward yourself for that, you know, count the days you’re meditating, and reward yourself for that. Reward yourself for something that you’re doing rather than rewarding yourself for something that you’re not doing. And like I said before, how many things out there are you rewarded for not doing anything? I can’t think of a whole lot.

William: I have a question?

Powerful Eric: Yeah.

William: What’s an example of a good reward?

Powerful Eric: For not doing–

William: Because like a lot of people who advocate meditation and these things, say the reward is in the experience itself.

Powerful Eric: Right.

William: But if you’re talking to somebody who’s new at this, what would you suggest they reward themselves with?

Powerful Eric: Well, let me answer that this way, in 12 step programs, if you’re not acting out, you’re rewarded with a coin.

William: Okay.

Powerful Eric: And there’s nothing wrong with it that works for some people didn’t work for me. But I’m suggesting instead of rewarding yourself for not doing pornography, or not drinking alcohol or whatever, is to set a goal for yourself to add something in your life to replace the behavior like exercise, like meditation. So, when you do things like that, that in and of itself is a reward. And you can count days, and I have a couple accountability partners. And you know, we say hey, you know, I drink water. You know, we have, you know, I don’t drink X amount of water for X amount of days in a row because water is really important. Or I exercised for five days in a row, that’s really important. So, I would encourage you to count days that way, rather than tell me metaphysically what happens if you concentrate on, I’m not going to, when I wake up in the morning, I am not going to view porn again.

William: Okay, so when you say, I’m not going to look at porn. What’s the picture in your head?

Powerful Eric: Porn.

William: Exactly. The subconscious mind does not understand a negative statement. So, if you say, you’re not going to do something like I’m driving down to 70 saying, I’m not going to get a wreck. The picture has a wreck almost every time because that’s the way the mind works. So, you must state it positively. So, you say I’m going to be healthy today. I choose health, I don’t know whatever words work for you. I am a safe driver. The drivers around me are all focused on the road, something like that.

Powerful Eric: Yeah. So, that’s what I would advocate is focusing on bringing something positive into your life rather than focusing on the porn. I’m going to exercise today rather than I’m going to watch porn.

William: I can add something to that. Don’t say I’m going to, say I am. I, okay. I am going to exercise, I exercise. I choose health. If you say I’m going to, or I will you put it out in the future, which it makes it you know, a distance in your, again, what I’ve learned is, what’s important is that picture in your head.

Powerful Eric: Right.

William: And so, if it puts it out there in the future, you want it to be right here with you in the present.

Powerful Eric: And you know, the pictures in your head, kind of put some really disturbing pictures in your head. You know I’m not judging anyone that chooses to view porn or not view porn, it’s just for me those pictures in my head made me feel really bad about myself. I just, you know, for me, porn was, made me, my self-esteem really low and I just, I couldn’t do it and I was online and there’s this one group that is about porn and they enjoy the porn. I tell them, don’t feel bad about it, more power to them, but I just, it would always make me feel really bad about myself. So that’s why I choose not to do porn.

William: You know, there was a while that I had a sign, a little handwritten note above my TV that said, are you doing what you really want to do? So that’s a question I would ask, in a position like that is like, oh, so I access porn, or I indulge in this addiction. Am I doing what I really want to do?

Powerful Eric: No, it was always–

William: Obviously, for you it’s obviously no.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, it was an escape.

William: At the very least it’s a distraction.

Powerful Eric: Right. Why don’t you just go right into asking about, hey, whatever happened with you–?

William: Hey, Eric last time we met, you had proposed this, you had had this mascot created and you were asking people to submit names for it. Whatever happened with that?

Powerful Eric: Yeah, well I have a winner.  It is Raging Richard, and I want you to tell everybody what Raging Richard looks like.

William: It looks like a walking penis with a single eyeball. It’s like a penis with arms and legs and the head of the penis is an eyeball.

Powerful Eric: He’s carrying a smartphone, he’s intently looking at the smart phone.

William: Yeah, with its eye popping out, yeah.

Powerful Eric: So, his name is officially raging Richard. So, after I post this show, I will put that on the website and also the person that submitted the name will get a free session with me.

William: Wow.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, so it’s pretty cool. Raging Richard and I, kind of have a subtitle. It is raging Richard, don’t be a dick.

William: Oh boy, because we love porn. And now is all this on the same place powerfuleric.com

Powerful Eric: Yes. Just get it all on powerfulrieric.com I mean, there is a link there that will take you to porn talk.org if you want to go that way, too, but yes, you can see raging Richard at powerfuleric.com. And he is our official mascot and he’s intently looking at a smartphone and you brought the word distraction. That’s what raging Richard here is distracting himself and raging Richard, you know, he’s really pissed off. And, you know, I thought that maybe I’m being selfish with that name for him because I feel like I’ve got once the porn was removed, I was just like, “man, I’m really pissed off about a lot of stuff”. I’m raging at the world about different things about, you know, politics or–

William: You realize that about yourself?

Powerful Eric: Yeah.

William: Fantastic.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, because the porn is just masking negative emotions and to me a big one is anger, rage and even a lot of anger in myself. And so, talking about being mad at myself, one of the things I was mad at myself is, we got one of these amazon fire sticks. And for those of you that don’t know what it is, basically, it allows you to watch a bunch of different TV shows on your TV. And so, I got one of those, actually, as a gift for my wife, and what I didn’t realize, once I installed is that it isn’t all the TV shows, it has a built-in browser. And there is no way to filter the porn on the browser, in fact, it even has a privacy tab on it. So, there’s no way to filter the porn, and the one thing you can do is you can put a parental control on there or code to block having access to the browser. But if the browser is accessible, there’s no way to filter the porn and I had exploited that whole and that’s one of the ways that I view porn because I do have porn filters on all my digital devices and so I was able to access porn that way. So, for those of you that do have an Amazon firestick, I don’t know about the old ones, but I know the new one for sure, the Amazon firestick is an open wide-open door for porn. If you have kids that are using Amazon firestick or whoever they have 100% access to the most hardcore porn on the entire planet. So, I was angry at myself for one not patching that hole right away, how I did fix that is, I had my wife, put on the parental controls and put on a code so now I cannot access the browser through the Amazon firestick. And also, I looked into, you know, the filter here and there as of right now there is no filter available for it. If there is, if someone does come across a filter available that they could please email me at, powerfuleric.com, to let me know, because I can pride myself on knowing those things of course, and that is a wide-open door. So, William, I digressed into the Amazon firestick but would something like what you’re talking about Kundalini or Chakras and raising the vibration and things like that does. How does porn affect a person metaphysically as opposed to having sex with in a loving relationship?

William: Great question. First of all, those that we talked about, how the mind works and addiction. So, viewed as an addiction well, we pretty much covered that. But then you can look at what I would call the frequency of vibration. Okay? So, like in your example, I indulgence behavior, I felt bad about it that lower your vibration. Gosh, I mean, for me, that’s enough right there to change my behavior. But let’s say for some people, it’s not. So, okay, it keeps you in growth in the physical world, there’s bottom line. Anything like porn is, especially if it’s an addiction, if it’s something you can’t stop doing it keeps you engrossed in the physical world. And then I would ask, what’s the goal of being here in human life? Are you here to just be all day long? Remember that one session we were doing, and I said meditative masturbate is your choice, you know, it’s like, to me, it’s like that. It’s like, what am I doing with my life? You know, is this what I really want to do? What are my priorities? And if you don’t care, I probably can’t change your mind. And Eric probably can’t change your mind. You know, if that’s what you want to do then that’s what you’re going to do. But if you have any inclination to better yourself, to raise your vibration, to fulfill your purpose, to be truly happy and not just indulge in distraction and be engrossed in the physical world. Well then, every moment is a choice, every thought is a choice, every feeling is a choice. So, when you indulge in those behaviors, what’s the word you use? When I act out, I am reinforcing neuron physical, physiological neuron patterns in my brain. I’m lowering my vibration, I am beating myself up. You know, it’s on so many levels. You are doing yourself harm.

Powerful Eric: You mentioned vibration with porn so, what about sex in a loving relationship?

William: Well, I believe if it’s truly a loving relationship, it’ll raise your vibration. Because you’re increasing the amount of love in the world basically, you know, by making love, creating love, expressing love, you know, not just, you know, so to me, any expression of love is good. Whether it’s with, I don’t know, any expression of love, you know, and you know, it’s different. There’s love with friends, there’s romantic love, there’s love of family, there’s love of all humankind. You know, any expression of love is going to do good in yourself and in the world. But again, indulging in distraction, acting out, it lowers your vibration.

Powerful Eric: And can you stand on that for the people? What do you mean by raising your vibration?

William: Okay, in a lot of different philosophies or a lot of different schools of thought, okay? Whether it’s religious or secular, people like, okay like if you were to put it in religious terms, what brings me closer to God, what distances me from God? What do you think, does masturbating brings you closer to God? For most people no, you know, I mean it’s a distraction. Okay. Then in terms of you said well, what do I mean by raise my vibration? I would ask what do you visualize when you say raise my vibration? You know for some people, it just means be happy, but the danger with that term be happy is with a lot of people in our society, it seems like be happy means be content. Like, oh yeah, I’m happy because I had an orgasm and I’m going to take a nap. That’s happiness. Well, like I said, if that’s happiness for you then, okay, that’s your life that you’ve chosen. But for me happiness is a much bigger experience than just self-indulgence. So, when you raise your vibration, you are doing what you came here to do, for instance, fulfilling your higher purpose, being one with my higher self, being one with God.

Powerful Eric: So, how can how can someone instead of focusing on not viewing pornography or not acting out pornography, or not engaging in the addiction, what are some things that they can do to raise their vibration?

William: Well, to me the most fundamental thing is to meditate. And meditation can take a lot of different forms, I’m actually going to start teaching this class in March called ascension, it’s based on the material by Joshua David stone. It’s incredible material, and frankly, it’s like a lot of different things, it’s just one avenue. This is one person’s, you know, this one man had these insights, he wrote them down, and what I find really interesting, some people find it kind of like conflicting, I find it extremely interesting that these things are all related. You know, the higher purpose of religion, the ascension material, the ancient technique of Yoga. So, whether you look back in the Hindu tradition of Chakras and Kundalini, if you go to the east and look at Qi Gong, and the Japanese is Reiki, you know you through every culture, throughout time, there have been people who want to help each other, raise the vibration or be closer to God or whatever words you want to use. So, to me, you know, I, first of all, I’m doing what appeals to me, what works for me, I am basically sharing what I’ve learned with other people.

Powerful Eric: So, you mentioned meditation as one way to raise your vibration?

William: Right.

Powerful Eric: What are some other things that some one that is addicted can do?

William: Oh, physical activity, fantastic. A gentleman that Chi Gong or yoga, the more active on like martial arts. I find that being in your body, increasing the awareness of your body is really important. One reason is we’ve already discussed, porn and other addictions are distraction. It takes you out of your body, you’re unaware of your body. Maybe you’re aware of one very small part of your body, specific part of your body. But you know what I mean? It’s not helping you be a whole incomplete person.

Powerful Eric: Right.

William: So, anything that like, I like physical activity, like, lately, I’ve just been going for walks, but I did do martial arts for a while. I know Eric does martial arts, it’s very helpful to do an activity that like brings your awareness all the way out to your toes and fingers, you know. So, physical activity is good, a mindful so that’s why I love this thing you picked up called mindful habit. I like the title, I like everything about it, because a mindfulness meditation is really helpful. Do you want a specific thing to use? Of course, you can go online and look, I use an app called the insight timer. It’s free, it has all different kinds of meditations on it, including mindfulness meditations. I, probably once or twice a week actually use that to get a good night’s sleep too. So, mindfulness, bring your attention, continue bring your attention back to the present. Continue to bring your attention into your body, being aware of your body, being aware of your body’s needs, what’s happening in your body. And I honestly have a hard time explain why that is, it’s very helpful. And I’ve heard other people say the same thing, people who teach and practice yoga say the same thing. Martial Arts, especially if you are fortunate to be in a martial arts school that has a mindful teacher. You know who teaches it that way, because when I was in college, you know, that’s the teacher I had, he just had a very small class did it just anyway, point being he said that feel the energy moves through your arm out to your hand. But nobody ever said that to me before, but I just did, I just, I felt it. You know, so, things that bring your attention to the present, bring attention to your body are very helpful.

Powerful Eric: William, what is something that you would say to the person in the relationship with the person who is addicted to porn or whatever? The significant other, or husband or wife, whatever, because I’ve noticed that we are getting you know, some of the women, the wives in the relationship I’ve noticed that some of the significant others are listening to this program. What advice would you have them metaphysically understand to maybe either really help themselves to cope with their addicted spouse?

William: First answer is focused on yourself. When you live in an addicted person, it’s easy to get wrapped up in their addiction. It’s easy to think I have to help Eric with this, I have to help Eric with that, you have to help, I have to be a part of this healing process and I have to do this, I have to do that. I would actually do the opposite, I will let him handle his own shit, and I will take care of myself.

Powerful Eric: That’s wise!

 

William: I mean, you can be supportive. And if you, for instance, are going to therapy together, that’s another thing I would recommend on a practical note is a third party, whether it’s a regular therapist or your clergy or whomever, you know, I would greatly encourage that couple to have a mediator of some kind.

Powerful Eric: Right. Actually, my wife and I do have, we did premarital counseling before we got married. It was so helpful that we never stopped.

William: Fantastic.

Powerful Eric: We go about once a month, maybe every two months, it’s really helpful. And so anyway, we covered a lot of ground here today. So, we’ll wrap up and talking about needing help. If you need help, you can reach out to William or myself. William you want to tell everybody how they can get hold of you.

William: My phone number is 314-403-4744 on Facebook I’m Happy Medium Will.   I have a website, it’s www.mediumwill.com.

Powerful Eric: Awesome. And if you want to reach me of course at powerfuleric.com. Thanks for listening today and remember that you are designed for accomplishment, you are engineered for success and you are endowed with the seeds of greatness.

Listen to this episode here:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/metaphysics-of-porn/id1454294737?i=1000462181702

 

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