Husband Cheats & Kids on Porn

Sandy Joy – Therapist – Tramatologist

 

Intro: Welcome to Porn Talk with Powerful Eric, end the porn habit. reclaim your power. Here’s your host, Powerful Eric.

 

Powerful Eric: Welcome to Porn Talk, this is powerful Eric. The purpose of this show is to help you end the porn habit and reclaim your power. But it’s not just about breaking addictions, it’s about breaking belief systems. We are bound by self-imposed and societal chains, break the chains, get empowered now. My guest today is Sandy Joy. Sandy is a registered psychotherapist with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She’s a registered professional counselor and a master practitioner of clinical counseling. Sandy is a certified Clinical Traumatologist, a qualified clinical counseling supervisor, and is proud to be a certified coach of the mindful habit system. Help me welcome my friend, Sandy Joy. Welcome, Sandy.

 

Sandy: Thank you Powerful Eric, thank you inviting me today.

 

Powerful Eric: Sure, well, Sandy, can you tell the listening audience a little about yourself and how porn has affected your life?

Sandy: Absolutely. For several years, I will say D-day was almost three years ago, and D-day was discovery day that my husband was having affairs. But for several years before that, you know, we’re healthy adults, but intimacy was an issue, there was a lack of intimacy. And, I’m going to say almost 10 years, and very little that, he just kept dwindling and dwindling. And I thought, oh, as we were aging, my now ex-husband was on medication, I thought, you know, the libido was lower, you know, there is issues with the rectal dysfunction with that. Okay, it’s a normal part of aging, medical issues, that kind of thing. However, even in the two years or three years before I found out, there was not even like hand holding, there was just no intimacy and it may seem to me, it’s a safe-net, you know, the hand holding, the hugging that just, you cuddle, and it doesn’t have to be the actual sexual act. And so, we were in marriage counseling and none of this came up, there was other excuses, there was, you know, that he resented me for the time I’d been doing my school work while I was getting my master’s degree. And I just kept saying, what am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? Why don’t you want and to me? And he said, I don’t want any women. And I knew that wasn’t true and I would say to him, but I see looking at other women, but you don’t look at me that way. And I had taken to actually changing in the bathroom or changing in walk in closet, because I felt incredibly self-conscious and invisible, that something was wrong with me, that he didn’t want me. The day I found out, accidentally found out, I had his phone because his district called and wanted to talk to me and it called on his phone. And so, I wasn’t looking through his phone, they just went to hang it up and at the same time an email came through that was quite clearly from another woman and having an affair. So, over the course of two days found out that actually he had a porn addiction and a sex addiction and my world being together with someone at that time and finding out, almost 34 years. And, in all, we were married, 31 live together, 33 and a half years and my world turned completely upside down, thinking that I knew who I was with, to find out he had been actually living a double life for more than 10 years and that it actually started when he was 14 years old with porn and porn addiction, severe on bondage. But how porn shews that day, had still was a daily thing for him and it really, I was destroyed. So, not only was my trash shattered but my whole life, my whole thought process, my whole, everything was shattered. My whole belief system, if you will, was shattered.

Powerful Eric: But for years, that’s a long time.

Sandy: A long time.
Powerful Eric: Why do you think he went to therapy with you when he was like, what’s the point of going to therapy if he’s going to continue to, you know, cheat on you and–?

Sandy: Right.

 

Powerful Eric: It doesn’t make any sense.

 

Sandy: And it was because this addiction is so incredibly deep and dark and secretive. And it fosters and thrives in secrecy.
Powerful Eric: Yes, it does.

 

Sandy: And it does, and just to put it, kind of an added, no secrets are good, all secrets are harmful. If you say, well, I’m keeping a secret because I’ve got something for their birthday, that’s not a secret, that is a surprise and that’s something completely different. It is something that you’re planning to see through, it’s a happy thing and it’s a surprise. When we tell our children or if a child, you know, going off topic a little bit, maybe. If a child is told, don’t tell anybody this, it eats a hole in that child and for fear that something bad is going to happen if they tell someone else that this has happened to them or they were told this. You know, and even as adults, if somebody tells us a secret and say, don’t tell anybody, it’s not about keeping confidence, it’s like what is wrong that this, you know, if it’s somebody’s confidence, then it’s keeping someone’s confidence. If it’s, you know, it’s usually the secret is that there is going to be harm, it’s harmful and toxic.

Powerful Eric: Well, Sandy, maybe this is a good seg-way here, you were talking about the secrets and kids and for first, to thank you so much for showing me this traumatic event that you go had to go through, you had to endure. But one of the disturbing trends I’ve noticed from the show, Porn Talk, is I’ve had kids contacting me that are addicted to porn, a 12-year-old, a 14-year-old, a 15-year-old. I would not have thought that they would be listening to this program, but, you know, what do you have to say to these, our younger listening audience?


Sandy:
 Stop, get help, tell your parents, ask for assistance. There is assistance out there that this addiction, and as we, I’m sure you’ve talked about, addiction is a habit. It’s not a disease, it is a habit. And the average age of porn addiction to start is between 10 and 12 years old. That’s the addiction, that means they have watched it for so long already, that it is ingrained in a pathway in their brain. And it is the subconscious coping strategy for them when they’re feeling stressed or even just when they’re alone and it’s a “go to” because it works on the pleasure principle in the brain, the pleasure centers of the brain and raises the dopamine level. The only thing with that, comes shame and guilt, and that’s what stops them from talking to a loved one. I’m doing something bad, I’m doing something, and it doesn’t start out, no addiction, no habit starts out as, I’m going to do this all the time. It just happens that, that felt good, so, I’m going to do it again and I’ll do it again and do it again, rather than replacing it with something that is growth, you know, for your own growth and happiness and fostering wellness inside. It’s fostering toxicity.

Powerful Eric:
 Yeah, so if that is the average age, the average age being 10, then when do most kids start?

 

Sandy: According to Fighting a Drug, and I would recommend anyone, fightingadrug.org, the average age is between 7 and 8 years old. It could we actually age six, the first viewing, by the age of 14, 94% of teenagers, adolescents have used pornography, 94%. So, with parents who say, Oh, my child wouldn’t do that, my child, it happens accidentally sometimes. Sometimes it’s just, you know, kids playing and what if we put in this word, what will come up? And it’s a hook, it becomes a hook. And in our day and age, with technology and smartphones and tablets and 24-7 access, without, you know, net nannies or whatever, they need on the devices, it’s there and it’s accessible.

Powerful Eric: Yeah and you know, people may say, well no, my darling child would never view pornography. Okay, let’s say that’s the case, well we know that their friends are going to show it to them.

Sandy: Absolutely. And it can be accidental, I’ll tell you a little story about my granddaughter and like at the time when she was 5, loved Disney princesses, the palace pets and so on and wanted to go on my computer to YouTube because there’s videos on Disney princesses and so she could type it, she could spell, she could type like so, but I would write with her and she typed in Disney little princesses in Google and you know, in the list what came up, it was like, I had to literally remove her from the chair. You know, and to just to get her away and she’s going, what’s wrong nana? And I said, there’s some things on nana’s computer that aren’t appropriate. So, nana just has to do some work here first and then we can, nana will bring up what you can watch and then you can see that.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, and another accidental thing that’s starting to come up now, I’ve heard of is, Alexa, you know, by talking to Alexa. Alexa doesn’t always understand what you say and there was a video I saw online, someone just happened to be recording while this kid was talking into Alexa. Alexa did not understand it and brought up, started to spew off this list of porn sites and in pornographic things. So, it happens by accident, you’re right,
Sandy: It happens by accident and it doesn’t mean that your child has done anything wrong. It’s come by accident and then it’s like, it’s curiosity, well what is this? And you know, they click on it and there’s all kinds of free access, so they click on it and then it’s like, what’s that? And then will I be in trouble? So, they keep it inside. But then there’s a curiosity about what they saw, and so they go back, and they go back, and they go back. And that’s what happens, it’s creating that pathway in the brain and pornography, you know, very short period of time does the exact same to the brain as what cocaine does the brain. And so, we have to realize that if we wouldn’t leave cocaine lying around for our children to accidentally access, we really need to be safe with our electronics. And that includes our television because now a lot of the smart TVs, they can access YouTube, they can access all kinds of things. So, unless we have these blocks on, on every single device and model the behavior that we wish to see in our children, you know, our children are going to have access. And if not at your house, at their friend’s house, that may not have these blocks on.

 

Powerful Eric: Sandy, you said, “model the behavior that we would like to see our children have”. Sometimes I go out to dinner and there’ll be a family sitting at the table and they literally are all on their phones, a family of five, the mother is on the phone, the father is on the phone, the three kids are all on the phone. I would presume that these kids at the table are on their phones because their parents are always on the phones, what do we have to say about all that?

Sandy: Absolutely, it’s about moderation, it’s not about not having the phones, it’s about moderation. And sadly, what’s happening as our adolescents, our children are turning into adolescents and teenagers is that they’re losing not only the ability for communication, but how to use it, how to interact with other people. And the more isolated they become, the more they go to the Internet, you know, for their entertainment. And the more they go to the Internet, the more porn is available, and I can’t state enough how damaging and how toxic and how far-reaching it is.

Powerful Eric: I don’t know how much truth there is to this story, someone told me, that now a lot of teenagers are choosing not to drive because they rather interact through social media. Boy, I remember when I was 15, I was chomping at the bit, that literally the day, that I turned 16 I got my driver’s license. It pains me to think that, oh my gosh, you mean these kids would rather stay online rather than to actually go out and see their friends. And its mind blowing.


Sandy: 
Social anxiety is growing and growing and growing higher and higher. And why is it growing? It’s because of technology and technology can be a wonderful thing. I’m not downplaying the wonderful uses of technology, it can also be damaging and that’s where we need parents to moderate, you know, and manage how much screen time, you know, children are having issues with sleeping because you know, it’s the screen time, but they’re losing the ability to know how to interact as people. They are losing the ability to know how to play, they’re losing the ability and you know, to just have human interaction communication and it’s through text, they’re texting rather than calling or they’re choosing to stay and do the video game thing, or you know, absolutely.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, and Sandy, I know you’ve worked with children at the Simcoe County Children’s Aid Society and also, one of your specialties, is working with victims of trauma, how is porn a form of trauma for kids with early exposure?

Sandy: Absolutely, it is stunting their developmental growth, what happens is the pleasure center of the brain becomes larger and the executive center then becomes smaller. So, the executive center is where we have our logical reasoning, our decision making, our ability to learn and so, as that becomes smaller and the pleasure center becomes bigger, you know that children are struggling in school with academics, they’re struggling in other areas of their life. Which is all traumatic because now there’s more bullying, there’s, just more issues. But the trauma of it, is, porn, whether some people agree with this or not, there is so much research, porn violence against women, porn, when we’re watching porn, we’re watching a woman being raped, end of story. That’s exactly, women being raped or getting raped, that’s what we’re watching and that is traumatic. And what’s happening, especially, and this is sad, there is more research coming out and there is just a study from, I can’t recall the exact hospital in California where there were young girls ages 4 to 8, they were seeing over and over these young girls coming in being sexually abused, sexually assaulted, and the perpetrators were young boys, ages 8 to 15.

Powerful Eric: Oh my gosh.

 

Sandy: So, it’s, you know, it’s just spiraling, and where is the cost from watching pornography. So, watching porn, the boys go to enacted and so they enacted in smaller and younger girls and these girls are being sexually molested by other children. So, children upon children abuse, sexual abuse is increasing exponentially.

Powerful Eric: Sandy, we’re talking about a lot of the challenges and problems and issues that porn has brought up, how can we heal? How can, like for these trauma victims that you work with, what are some of the tools, what are some of the things that you teach to help them move forward?

Sandy: For the ones who have been abused, and I’m going to enlighten that pornography is abusing these young men.

Powerful Eric: Well, I agree. I’m an example, I stumbled on pornography at a young age, I’m an example, you know?

Sandy: Yeah, the Hugh Hefner’s,  Ron Jeremy’s, the ones that and now it’s a multi-billion-dollar industry and its money driven and it’s just a huge industry and yet it’s destroying our society and it’s t’s increasing violence against women, violence against children. So how do I help to answer your question, for children, depending on their age, it is through play therapy, but it’s to let them know they did nothing wrong. They did nothing wrong to be on the receiving end of this violence.


Powerful Eric: 
So, can you give an example of play therapy?

Sandy: Okay. So, for example, you’re literally, as a play therapist, you’re sitting on the floor playing with all kinds of different toys. And at first, the child needs to be able to trust you, that you’re safe. And once that happens, the child will start reenacting through play what has happened to them because sometimes the child cannot voice what it was that was done or what they felt like, but they reenact it with plastic animals or plastic, you know, people. And it’s in that reenacting, that you’re able to ascertain what the child has gone through without asking questions. We do not ask probing questions; did this happen to you or something like did this happened to you. It’s what the child is reenacting, is what you know happened to them. So, then you are letting them know that they didn’t deserve it, it is not their fault, that hey will be okay, they will get, you know better. And it’s about giving them opportunity to have a voice, work it out through art, through drawings, through coloring, through screaming. My ultimate is to have my own clinic where I had a rage room, and that’s for children and adults, because anger is a secondary emotion that actually covers when we’re feeling powerless, vulnerable, fear and sadness. And when we’re not safe to feel sad or safe to be vulnerable, anger is that defense mechanism, it’s the fight of life. It’s the fight that tries to make us feel powerful and, and it’s not wrong to have that emotion. What is wrong is when we take it out on other people in an abusive way, whether that’s verbally, whether that’s physically, whether that’s emotionally, but it’s okay to express it rather than hold on to it because it’s covering, it’s a defense mechanism. And a rage room is a place where you can go in and smash things, in a safe environment. Other things that I allow kids to do, is pick up a pillow and just scream at the top of their lungs, and your punching bag. To be able to get these, you know, how dare someone do this to me and be able to get that anger out is, is actually very human and helpful.
Powerful Eric: Yeah. I have my four-year-old son in a little dragon’s martial arts and I’m a martial artist as well, and I can definitely speak to the benefits of hitting an object, it is very liberating. And so that, that brings me to the next question, so we were talking about kids, what would you suggest adults that have experienced some type of, either sexual trauma or just are addicted to pornography, what, you know, are, a lot of our listeners right now, of course, are men that are, or younger men, but I’m directing this to the older men. What would you say to the older men that are addicted to porn or that have some form of trauma that they’re overcoming?

Sandy: So, the first and foremost is reach out for help, if you think you can stop this on your own, then why portray that you will not be able to. Tell some people, absolutely, I’m not going to give everyone the same brush, because absolutely, there are some people, but it’s very rare, and that goes to most addictions. Very rare that someone can just go cold turkey, never see anything. And the reason is, especially for porn and sex addiction, is this, has sex is a part of our daily life, sexism, you know, almost every TV show you see, every movie you watch, every magazine you look at, there is something that is sexualized in our society, is highly sexualized. The other, it is an inmate, a neat  part of us that we are sexual beings as human beings. And it is very hard when someone has a porn and sex addiction to reign back and to have an intimate relationship because that’s one of the things that porn does. It destroys the intimacy completely and utterly destroyed intimacy. So, someone is watching porn. There’s no vulnerability, there’s no emotion. You don’t have to be open. It’s pure fantasy. Surely raising the, you know, increasing the dopamine and increasing the pressure center of the brain, whereas an intimate relationship, there has to be true intimate relationship. There has to be vulnerability and emotion and the person has to be open, but it’s not as exciting. It doesn’t mean that dopamine and oxytocin can’t rise, and an intimate, you know, true intimate, loving relationship, it’s a different feeling than they, the spike in dopamine. And it still tells,  it’s still there unopened. So, what do you do? Reach out to someone, to professionals who know? And I’m going to do a plug for the mindful habit system because in my 20 plus years, I’ve anything working in this field as, as a clinical traumatologist, as a registered psychotherapist in my experience professionally and personally. And believe me after I found out almost three years ago, my G.O. T.O is research, what can I read? And I’ve read, I can’t, oh, so much, but that’s for my own self to understand. So, what I found is that things like 12 steps, can it help some people? Absolutely. And again, I’m not going to say if they can’t, for porn and sex addiction, it doesn’t have, it has a very small, F.F.I.C rate. And the fact, even for alcoholics, it is an 8 to 22% efficacy rate. That’s very well.

Powerful Eric: Well, I can personally for those that have been listening to the show, knows, I was in 12 step programs for about 20 years with very little success. And then I found the mindful how that system, which, both Sandy and I are certified coaches under the main five. It’s this one. That’s how we know each other. And I can personally vouch that it works. It works. It didn’t, it doesn’t happen overnight, and it requires a lot of work. But, the science of mindfulness for me has worked wonders.

 

Sandy: Yes, and it does, and  I use the mindful habit system, you know the 3 A’S, you know I use this system with almost all of my clients because their compulsive behavior is, isn’t addiction itself, but compulsive behavior anxiety is a thought addiction. O.C.D is about addiction. Perfectionism as the thought addiction, anger is a feeling addiction, you know it  is a feeling addiction. So, there’s all kinds of addictions in and they’re all compulsive behaviors including the thought process. So, the 3 A’s of the mindful habit system, the awareness, the accountability and action work in so many ways, including working with trauma and the compulsive thoughts, the use of thought that something is wrong with me or I caused that to happen. And so, that’s in the coping component and the relaxation techniques and the coping before you do any trauma processing. I am working on safety and coping and relaxation techniques with my clients. And this is the mindful habit comes in all the time. Many people believe that being mindful, it’s sitting with meditation. And I can tell you, this is not it, so, if meditation can be a part of it? Absolutely. But it is not the beginning, for myself I have a difficult time for meditating. I am a mover, so ,dancing met at mindful is being in the here and now, been cognoscente, what’s happening in your body, the feelings, the stress, whatever’s happening and what do you do about it? That’s being mindful and making mindful choices that nurture and nourish yourself. And in doing so you’re nurturing and nourishing your relationships, your family, your work, all of that. When you nurture and nourish cells, you’re nurturing and nourishing everything around you as a matter of fact. So, that’s what mindfulness, mindful, you know?

Powerful Eric: Right. And you know, like I was talking about martial arts, that’s a form of mindfulness.

 

Sandy: Yoga.

 

Powerful Eric: Absolutely yoga.

 

Sandy: Yeah. You know, but for some people it’s playing volleyball, they’re playing and they’re feeling, just focusing on that ball coming across. It’s something that brings some pleasure, they feel productive, they feel exhilarated, you know, going for a run, a walk. Walking is a, patting your dog, it’s those kinds of things that I’m mindful and it’s what brings you pleasure, those things it’s self-care, you know, what brings you pleasure baking for me, I love to bake. It’s something I do for me. I don’t have a sweet tooth. My neighbors love me. It’s just I love to bake, and it is just a, for me, everything, all the stress just goes when I’m working with that. I don’t like to cook so much, but I like to bake.

Powerful Eric: Sandy, this show, as you know, it’s not just about breaking addictions, it’s about breaking belief systems. What belief or paradigm needs to change around porn or would paradigm mean to change for men around porn or kids around porn?

Sandy: Yes, first thing I’ll come to is that it’s normal, not for adolescents. It’s not normal, all men do watch porn.

 

Powerful Eric: Yeah.

 

Sandy: It’s not a right to passage for adolescents.

 

Powerful Eric: Yes.

 

Sandy: It’s not normal, it’s toxic and when you say it’s normal, if you’re saying it’s normal to have your adolescents take cocaine because it’s doing the exact same. It’s your normal for your partner to watch porn. You’re telling yourself that it’s normal for your partner to have cocaine because it’s doing the same thing to the brain. I don’t think as a society we agree that have, you know, taking cocaine is normal or, okay. It’s just as toxic.

Powerful Eric: Yes, it is the normalizing. I love what you’re saying because you can’t see my, no, I have a little, we made up a little mascot for the show and he’s a little wiener guy and it’s to make fun, but it’s got a serious connotation to it. It’s the little man, he’s got a smart phone. He’s got a big red eye and he’s obsessive really looking at the smart phone with pornography on it. And, it’s the, I coined a term, I caught it, the pornification of the world, that porn is just a normal thing that everyone uses, and you know, every, it’s got, it’s on your smart phone. It’s just a normal thing. Oh, you know,  he’s that kid viewed porn, you know, big deal. But when I was a kid, if we got a hold of say like a playboy magazine, like oh my gosh, I mean we really thought we had something magazines completely, they don’t even produce the magazine anymore because there’s so much hardcore porn online.

Sandy: And that’s the thing, so, just like and I’m going to use the example because people understand more if you will. Alcoholism, a person who develops alcoholism doesn’t start out to be an alcoholic. They start out and have a drink or two, and you know they can’t remember now, so, it works out a little cheaper, you know they feel a little bit better and so the next time, you  know they have another couple and that couple doesn’t do a damn thing and they have to have three or four and after that, five or six and then seven or eight and then they have to have it every day or binge on the weekends because that’s still an alcoholic. They don’t start out choosing to have the addiction. Someone who’s watching porn thing, oh I’m watching this. And they usually start with a softer, if you can call it soft one, it’s all abuse and assault and I will stand by that 100% I’m 97% of people, women in porn of human traffic. So,  just go off on a tangent. There doesn’t start off to be, but all of a sudden it’s, it’s not enough. It’s not okay. I see. Not like that’s not doing anything for me, It’s not raising the job and we know that. We don’t know that it’s just not doing absolutely anything. So, you watch harder stuff and then that’s not doing it. So, then you need to go to harder stuff. And the harder stuff, and I want to put this out there because there’s a huge denial and there’s two things with points I want to want to do. Okay. If that’s okay.

 

Powerful Eric: Sure.

 

Sandy: One is that men who are watching porn don’t believe they’re watching child porn? I’m going to ask how, because the female could be 13 years old and makeup and hair, to look like she’s 18 or 19 or 20, or 22 children are developing, earlier and earlier there was girls that are having their period by eight years old and developing breasts. So, by 10 or 11, they may look like you’re 16, so, by 13 and may look like you’re 18 and 19 or 20. And so, you’re thinking you’re watching young woman, but you may actually be watching a child and you don’t know. But any watching of porn could actually be child porn.

 

Powerful Eric: I understand. Well, I love what you said paradigm that needs to change about the normalization of the view porn. So, go ahead please.

Sandy: It’s just the statistics of adolescence, okay. The highest raising population have an erectile dis-functioning man, we tend to think it’s the 67-year-old man, you know, age, medical, it’s not. The highest raising population of erectile dysfunction is within 18 to 25-year-old males, and it’s because of you know, men.

Powerful Eric: Yeah, I’ve read that the largest segment that is requesting the little blue pill, for erectile dysfunction is the 18 to 25-year-old. Yeah.

Sandy: And it’s because of pornography.

Powerful Eric: Yeah.

 

Sandy: And it can be reversed, with stopping the use.

Powerful Eric: Yeah. And I actually know a young man that does have that problem for that reason. Yeah, that’s somebody I know.

 

Sandy: It’s sad.

 

Powerful Eric: Well Sandy, we are talking about all these huge issues here. One of the things on the program we like to talk about is, you know, how to create a great life. We don’t want to just overcome an addiction to porn or just overcome an addiction to compulsive sex. We want to create a great life, what is it that  you share with your clients on not just overcoming the addiction but on creating a great life? How, how can we create a great life?

Sandy: Yes, my addiction, any addiction we tend to, it tends to be I think, well I deserve this. I deserve this. I, you know, it’s not going to hurt anybody. What I work with my clients is what really do you deserve, do you deserve something that’s toxic, that it ends up being harmful and harmful to the relationship or do you deserve to have something that is, that it grows you, powers you, gives you power, true power that you feel so good about and that you can share with the world. And that starts with self-care, there are four basic human needs, you know, other than food and shelter. And that’s to be loved, to be accepted, to be wanted and to be respected, and in those four it comes with self-respect, self-acceptance to oneself, and to have self-love and to have those things, it has to start from within. And that’s self-care. So, what does self-care look like? We’re really, it’s different for anyone. So, like I said, like somebody playing volleyball, or you doing your, your martial arts, you know? For somebody else it’s soaking in a bubble bath with a glass of wine. For me it’s taking, I like bubble baths too, but it’s whatever, the self-care and there could be multiple things. So, that’s the first thing is to work on the belief that you just deserve to take care of yourself and to carve out time every single day for yourself. Even if it’s 15 minutes. And as, parents, we tend to put our children first. And I’m not saying you don’t do that, but as long as you’re carving out some time for you too, you go for a walk, a run, go to the gym, play that sport, you know, read that book. We just relax with music, whatever that looks like, it will grow you. And it will foster healing in you. And you just, every person deserves it.

Powerful Eric: Yes, they so, yes we do. That was the hardest thing for me, you know, from viewing porn so early, I didn’t like myself.

 

Sandy: Yeah.

 

Powerful Eric: So, for you, you know, for years I would do this affirmation. I would say to myself in the mirror,” I like myself” or I couldn’t even say that I’d say I’m learning to like myself. Finally, one day I teared up because I looked at myself in the mirror and I actually liked myself and it was a fantastic, it was a fantastic day. So, yes, you got to learn to love yourself.

Sandy: Right? So, and that’s exactly as we’re going to get used  to liking and loving  ourselves Eric . And that to be able to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye and be truthful and say, “you know I love you” and mean it, that wasn’t hard to say. And it’s not in a narcissistic way or a self-centered way, conceited way, you know, sociopathic way. It’s to say, you know, you deserve to be healthy and happy and have those things around you but mostly inside of you because it’s really not the things that are on the extra harder, you know, family and friends. It’s what we believe, what fills you up.  What fills you, what fills your sooner and want to fill your soul with things that make you healthy, happy rather than things that are going to bring to you and are toxic and your way.

Powerful Eric: Well, Sandy, thank you so much being on the show, how can listeners get a hold of you or —

Sandy: My website is that simple. It’s sandyjoy.ca, you can view my website and my email and stuff is there or,  sandy@sandyjoy.ca is my email. I would also ask the– and please feel free to reach out. And I really do help many partners, ex partners at people responding, sex addiction and trauma, betrayal, trauma and stuff that comes with that, on your own work in their power. But I ask you to reach out to the mindful habit system, you know, Powerful Eric as a coach for health because it’s working. It is working so tremendous as well. So, many people are being helped and  it’s phenomenal. Yeah, we are for parents, anybody. So, research to fight, move your, I’ve got a work, there’s so much information on their research, reliable, no experiential knowledge information. And  that’s including, there’s a part about how does you talk to your children about pornography? You know, especially if your child comes to you. How do you open up the discussion? And it’s important, you know, I remember when like, and maybe you too, Eric, our parents never talked to us about sex, we would either learn that from your friends or you know, a little bit in school, but you really learned it by yourself.

 

Powerful Eric: Right.

 

Sandy: Well now parents, more parents are talking to their children about sex and they’re learning more in sex education in school. Still not enough. We need to talk about this, this toxicity that is literally eating our society away from inside out. It is, and we need to, and it’s growing in secrecy. We need to be the voice. Did you be the voice? And I’m writing that in my lifetime. The porn industry shut down, if not mine, at least my children’s life time.

 

Powerful Eric: Right.

 

Sandy: That money talks. Right? So, I’m not, I’m trying to be hopeful and I’ll continue to be helpful and that’s all I can do, is I will not have this in secrecy.

Powerful Eric: Right. Well, Sandy, thanks again for being on the show. If you connected with Sandy, be sure to reach out to her. Thanks for listening. And I’ll close with this quote from Zig Ziglar who says,” you are designed for accomplishment, you are engineered for success, and you are endowed with the seeds of greatness”. Stay powerful friends.

 

Sandy: Stay powerful.

Outro: Thanks for listening. If you’re struggling with porn or sex addiction, then contact eric@powerfuleric.com. Remember, you are powerful.

Listen to this episode:  https://www.spreaker.com/user/10565137/season-1-episode-7-with-sandy-joy

 

 

 

 

 

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