Our guest is J. Parker. He is a union certified master hypnosis. He is the founder of twin Raven bins, hypnotherapy and research. He was a meth and sex addict. He was in his own words, a. “Dirt bag biker tattoo artist”. Welcome J Robert Parker.
Thanks for having me on that’s a hell of an introduction.
How does a drug and sex addicted dirt bag biker tattoo. Ended up becoming a professional hypnotherapist?
Oh, that’s a weird road to be sure. Well, consequences, maturity consequences, lots of consequences for a good portion of my life. I was a very negative person. Very hateful. Didn’t have a lot of in retrospect, self-worth I, as you said, I was a tattoo artist.
I did that for many years. It was a living. I was good at it, but it really kind of led to some unhealthy behaviors and affiliations. And that’s not to say that all tattoo artists are bad at all. I really tried to, to validate myself with sex, through my appeal to women. And I kind of valued like how many women I was with as like a sign of masculinity.
The, the real bizarre behavior with that didn’t really come until the meth. I never really had like a single drug that I had a habit with. It was just man. I go out to parties with all my weird dirtbag friends, and this is what we do. Eventually it started with Adderall and I liked the way the Adderall gave me that focus and gave me that speed because.
But eventually that kind of turned to the dirtier versions of that drug being meth got to spend the next couple of years, kind of progressively burning my life down. I became obsessed with validating myself. With sex and sexual interactions. And basically my life turned into nothing but women porn and meth, sex, drugs, and rock and roll sex, drugs, rock and roll.
At one point I caused a severe injury to my hand, my dominant hand, I almost severed three tendons in my hand that kind of put me out of commission for a little bit. And I got this injury and I started dealing with a lot of chronic nerve pain because it was a pretty bad injury and it got to the point that I was, I had to work again.
So I was making myself work as much as possible. To deal with that pain. I realized that meth worked very, very well, and I was able to not concern myself with the, the discomfort. I wasn’t able to concern myself with the discomfort of life in general. I just kind of didn’t care. And that’s one of the insidious things about that drug is you just don’t care.
It doesn’t matter what happens. You just kind of don’t. I saw one of the questions that you asked was like, what’s your low point? And I really had to think about that for awhile. There was a moment of, well into everything well into all of my friends, knowing something was up and just my behavior, absolutely bottoming out where I was sleeping.
If I wasn’t on meth, I was sleeping. 22 hours a day. Oh, wow. I would get up for five, 10 minutes and I just, I felt so bad that I just go back to bed to keep sleeping. And I remember laying in bed. Thinking that if I kept going like this I’m going to die. And I thought that was hysterical. I just started laughing the other low point, which you can kind of connect the two because I believe they were very close to each other is I had a gun, I was cleaning it.
And I remember thinking to myself, Why am I paying for drugs? And I kind of backed off that thought, because at that point, my, my dealer was on the way and I kind of had the thought like, man, I’m just buying an eight ball, but he’s got a couple of ounces on him. Bullets are cheap and I didn’t follow through with anything.
Fortunately, there was somebody that did. Eventually, I just messed up, landed myself in jail. And in retrospect, that was exactly where I need to be. And that allowed me some, some clarity, some time to kind of clean myself up. And I remember realizing after like a couple of weeks, man, I am dumber than I remember myself.
Like I found myself struggling to have thoughts and like, I’d been like that for years. And I was always the top of my class guy. I was always the one that everyone asked what the answer to something was. I realized I could barely write my own names still. My brain’s just fried. It’s all fried and made me reevaluate some things.
And. After everything’s said and done, just going to gloss over the jail park has I don’t like to focus on that anymore. I got out and in the time that I was locked up, which was a couple of years, my my mom had gotten remarried. And moved states. I originally lived in Texas in a large city and she got remarried decided to up and move to first.
He was going to be Puerto Rico and then it changed to Arkansas. They went and got. Well, a couple of acres out in the middle of nowhere, and there was a cabin out there and I went and stayed in that cabin and kind of reacclimated to everything. I didn’t want to keep tattooing. Not really. I knew what that led to.
I knew that lifestyle and my hands still messed up more than anything. It didn’t hurt like it used to, but it’s, I couldn’t do that. Full-time I. Becoming a chef at a resort. There’s always the joke because I did time. I worked the line, so that’s, that’s where I ended up. That was really good. It did a lot of good for me.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with Anthony Bordain at all, but he speaks to the kitchen and how it’s kind of this, this very therapeutic, very unifying. It’s also hell I’ve, I’ve never worked any job that fast-paced or difficult in my life. I was doing that. And that’s where I met my partner previously to meeting my partner.
And my longest relationship ever was 365 or 364 days. I hadn’t never had a relationship where I didn’t. And we just celebrated our two year anniversary and I haven’t cheated. I have no desire. Well, thank you. Well, that’s kind of where we’re at and the pandemic hit the predictable. And because we’re both in the restaurant industry, I kind of had to figure out what I’m going to do, what we can do to make money.
I have nothing, if not a bag of tricks, I learn all sorts of random things as I go, because previous to the drugs, I was a very studious person. I like learning new things. And one of the skills I’ve kind of had my entire life was reading tarot cards and not just terrible cards, playing cards, dominoes, whatever have you.
I thought divination was neat and it’s always been one of those things that I’ve practiced. It’s kind of always been in my family and. That’s what I ended up doing. I ended up working with an online service reading for them, and it was better money than I was ever going to make here. On one hand, I was getting very tired of answering the question.
Is my husband cheating on me? Because the answer, if you’re calling a phone, psychic is yes. And I found that. The other people, I was less reading their fortune, so to speak. And I was more utilizing the archetypes of the tarot cards and there they’re young and archetypes and psychological affiliations to reframe people’s problems to them and kind of help them actually work through it rather than tell you everything’s going to be okay, because the cards say, so you tell you, this is why this is happening.
This is how this is going. There’s nothing mystical or magical about that. That’s just using these universal archetypes to help this person get a different perspective. I really enjoyed that because I really felt like I helped a lot of people, like truly helped them. I kind of wanted to look into how else I could do.
It should be said, I have no experience or knowledge of hypnosis previous to this. I didn’t even know if it was real. I was on Facebook. The algorithm put this hypnotherapy college in front of me. It was called HMI college of hypnotherapy. It’s accredited by the department of education. I’d never heard of it before.
So tell me about it. You had a group of 720 hour meditation. It was a lot of schooling. So I got in contact and I remember I got. They will see if this is, this is actually a thing. And that was about two classes in before. I absolutely got my mind blown. Since that time I been working at that. I’ve been working as a hypnotherapist.
And for the first time, I can honestly say that. I love what I do. Like I’m actively helping people. I’m actively working on myself in the process. I’ve come to understand why I’ve acted the way I’ve acted in the past. What led me to these behaviors? What led me to, to seek validation and external things.
It’s led to a lot of understanding for me about myself, about others, about society. Good and bad on all of those things. So that’s the story, how the dirt bag biker artists ended up being a professional master hipness. It just, can you tell me a little more on how, how did you overcome the meth and sex addiction?
Well it was kind of a personal thing. One that the title. Helped. And it was a lot of personal accountability and personal like processing the why’s, why I was doing it. What did it gotten me? I really kind of took a step back and realized like what all I had lost because of this obsession I was in my thirties.
I’d never had a stable relationship. I had gained and lost everything several times already. And it was just, it was one of those moments like, man, you’re you’re, you’re not a young man. You’re not a kid. You you’ve you’ve started facing real consequences. You. Burned your life down multiple times. I call it.
I, for me, I call it burning days. I burned two stays sitting in front of a computer screen, staring at it, masturbating to porn. Yep. Beautiful day. So that’s what I call it. I call it burning day. And there it really is. Cause you just, the week just starts and all of a sudden it’s Wednesday and you throw meth into that equation.
It gets weird because those three days last three days, it’s, it’s not there’s not a sleep cycle to throw in there. It is a solid 72 hours. I, the weirdest damn thing, because. I know that was me. And I remember a lot of what happened, but it doesn’t seem like my brain anymore. Like, it seems strange to actually remember thinking those thoughts and to have those obsessions.
And for me, one of the weird things was there’s like these like chat lines. You can go on and I would, I figured out a way to gain that system and just get free time constantly. I did a similar thing. Yeah. And I would just spend hours and hours and hours searching for somebody. And I think maybe of the, I don’t even want to think about how many hundreds of hours I spent doing that.
I think that ended in may. Under 10 actual meetings. And some of them were pretty sketchy, like shocking. I know when they’re done that, it really, once, once I got my brain cleared up a little bit, I really started to think like, what, what are you doing to do you. To keep doing this. And while I was locked up, I had kids born because of course I burned a relationship previous to that.
I had twins. And it really kind of made me think like, shit, you, something has to happen now, something you can’t keep living like this, you can’t mess up two people because you can’t get your shit together. Yeah. That was really something that kind of made me think for the longest time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.
Like I’d had this career. Wasn’t great. And I really was at a point that I was in my thirties. I was having to restart everything and I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do with that. I had a good partner she’s endlessly supportive and understanding what do you do with that? So I never thought that I would become somebody that actually helped my fellow man instead of just.
Not caring at all. And it’s, it’s been one of the most amazing things for me. Like I have cause, cause my clients unless they find me on this, don’t really know too much about my past and they don’t know who I’ve been. They just see this person that’s well-dressed and well presented that is caring and helps them with their problems.
And I’ve helped people overcome lifelong things. It’s an interesting question. And I think it’s something a lot of people struggle with, which is once you’ve risen above whatever you’ve been in your past, how, how do you deal with who you are? How do you deal with what you were and what you did? That was something that I kind of addressed him my own hypnotherapy, because of course I have a hypnotherapist.
I wouldn’t, I asking people to do this fight and do it myself. I came to realize a bunch of things about myself, basically. And they’re, they’re things that I’ve always kind of known, but always kind of put behind me. Okay. How do we deal with who we were? And the answer is become somebody that you’re proud of and you got it up.
No, you got to speak to that. So, you know, for years, decades, I was in 12 step programs and powerless over facts and porn and other things. It did not work for me. It worked for me. I was logging into a mindfulness program, creating my screen log in and password and this on a whim. I but powerful Eric, because for the past 20 years I’ve been calling myself powerless and that little change made a huge difference.
Absolutely. And. Full disclosure. I’m not a fan of 12 step programs. I do not believe that. And if you’re listening in that and you’re in a 12 step and that helps you, that’s great. Right. Because it it’s obviously helped some people, but there’s somebody listening that doesn’t understand why it’s not working self-talk is what we call it.
It’s an interesting. And your subconscious doesn’t work like your conscious mind. It doesn’t differentiate between fact and fiction. It speaks in metaphor and symbols and inference. And so when you sit there and you tell yourself, I am powerless in the face of my problem, I am powerless in the face of my problem.
Eventually your, your subconscious picks up on that and accepts it as a no, it accepts that you are powerless and it accepts. That you obviously cannot handle your own issues. So you won’t that’s, that’s not good. That’s not, I believe how you overcome addiction and you overcome these behaviors. You overcome it by accepting this report, personal responsibility in your own power to overcome them.
That’s always been my. Even before everything about the whole notion of a 12 step program, because like, why would you tell someone they’re powerless in the face of their issues? That seems counterproductive to me, of course, since learned a bit about the gentlemen that started. The whole idea. And I, I don’t, I don’t like it too much.
If, if anyone has not looked into the founders of a, in the whole 12 step notion, it’s worth a shot before. Yeah, just to figure figures. There’s the, there’s the blue book story, and then there’s the actual story. And for those of you that are curious, the actual stories, they were religious nut bags, obsessed with repentance, and believe that the only path to repentance was the systematic and constant admission of sin.
And that’s where that came in. It’s also from the same era that brought you cornflakes and Kellogg’s desire to create a cereal, to stop people from masturbating. That’s a fun story. If anyone’s never heard it, corn flakes are interesting. Go ahead and tell that story. Kellogg was well, there’s two brothers and it’s basically the story of cornflakes and frosted flakes.
I don’t recall their first names off hand, but one Kellogg brother wanted to make a sugar cereal and he obviously was disowned. It had to go do his own thing, but I want to say his name is William Henry Kellogg. He was this very. Pious man, very religious and believe that vice was damning man, and wanted to create a food.
So bland that it stopped people from touching themselves because he was, people were wacky. I don’t know what to tell you, but it it obviously didn’t work out, but well, if it did, we could make a cereal and market it as the. You know, the porn. I mean, you can just put salt Peter in a cereal that’ll work, but I don’t think the FDA allows that and addiction breaking cereal, but it’s, it’s a wacky story.
And I always encourage people to look into the background of any Eddy stories that they hear, because sometimes the story is funny. Like the story of Kellogg or the story of the people. Started AA and speaking backstory. It’s interesting. You’ve mentioned mindfulness and that’s a concept of NLP of neural linguistic programming.
And a lot of people are familiar with that, but a lot of people are not familiar with the background. I think it’s Bandler and grinder or the two that made it. They made NLP primarily among a couple of other things by observing Milton Erickson, Dr. Milton Erickson, the preeminent hypnotherapist of the time.
So these principles of neuro-linguistic programming are also the principles of hypnosis and hypnotherapy and subconscious programming. So it’s kind of just shortly. Hypnotherapy a little bit it’s anyone that is in an into NLP will probably enjoy hypnotherapy quite a bit because it’s a very familiar concept.
Turned up to 11. Since you brought up NLP, this may be a good spot to talk about this before we hit record Robert and I were watching a. Episode on Netflix. There’s a show called magic for humans. There’s a magician named Justin Willman. Who’s the host of the show. And he’s amazing. The episode is called influencing the influence.
It’s basically he cans to have a box full of random things each and sets them off in random rooms to see where they take a picture. And they all end up taking the same picture in the same room with the same hashtag based upon the suggestions that he had made during conversation. And it was the first thing he asked them is, do you think you can be influenced?
And of course they all said no, because we don’t want to think we can be influenced studies. Even call mentalism, but it’s hypnotic suggestion that he just knew what words they would key in on what language to couch them in. Because if somebody is an Instagram influencer, you can pretty safely assume their suggestibility type because they’re being that out.
And the suggestibility type that they are is very easily influenced through that type of thing. And when I watched that episode, it was kind of scary actually like, oh, easily, these three intelligent people were so easily manipulated and I think of Facebook. And like you said, Instagram, YouTube, and, oh my gosh, all the porn.
We’ve watched them. What is put in there to influence us, to get us to do different things that we don’t even know about. It’s this Doug, that episode was really eye opening for me. Well, one of the things that I talked to, a lot of my clients. Is this concept that there’s a game being played and you don’t know the rules to it.
You don’t even know there’s a game being played, right? Because the media government, any institution, any industry knows about hyper suggestibility and hypnosis and what it takes to, to plant seeds in your brain, subliminal programming. And that is being used every single day. Be it the news or marketing or whatever have you, you are influenced and now, so more than ever with community say 18, and I’m just telling you, I’m just going to whisper this.
I mean, really it’s true. You can, whenever you do on any radio TV as an outlet. And it absolutely. And it’s, it’s everything everywhere and it’s there’s a concept called social engineering. That is really kind of what you’re talking about. It is one of the more frightening things out there because it is this concept of being able to mass engineer society.
We like to think that we are not easily influenced, but just by nature of our brain and humanity and what it means to be. We are we’re pack animals. We seek validation amongst others of our kind it’s that same seeking of validation that can lead to influence things, negative ways. There’s also the strange idea of hyper suggestibility and how to put someone in that.
And like I said, we’re naturally in the trance state a half hour before to go eat, go to bed and a half hour, we wake up, well, sit there and think about what you do. And that half hour while you’re submitting your subconscious to like for you, for eons, my thing was brush my teeth, masturbate to porn and go to bed.
And that, that last thought in your head was whatever you had seen on that screen. And your first thoughts upon waking mandate your day. If we think about what, what a lot of this country does, first thing in the. And it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s be inundated with stimulants and influences, and it doesn’t matter if you’re on your Facebook feed or you’re watching the news.
It is. Would you use, do you use the word inundated? And it really is. I told someone that I don’t watch the news. I said, well, how do you stay informed? And I said, there’s a big difference between being informed and. Inundated. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that inundation so hypnosis, what are the mechanics of hypnosis and how that comes to pass?
The way that’s done is through what we would refer to as an overload of message units and what a message unit is is absolutely anything. Sights smells, sound any. And input into your brain. That must be processed is a message unit. And by overloading this you cause a, a hyper suggestible. And somebody, because through that overload, they go into fight flight.
And when there’s nothing to be done with that, their parasympathetic nervous response kicks in. You are hyper suggestible. You are primed to listen to whatever it is you were being fed. And some people are infinitely more susceptible to this than others. People that live in cities. All in general, all around, tend to be prone to what’s called environmental hypnosis.
That’s why I absolutely courage. If you’re going to go out, listen to me. Like don’t, don’t allow all of these things to come into your head because of what you allow into your mind is very important. You might think that sitting there and watching commercials or sitting there and just idly watching porn all day are normal and harmless.
Your brain has to process these, particularly with porn. It’s a weird thing because like it’s not even really that I’m against the idea of. And that masturbation is wrong or anything like that. But the level that it is fed to us is wild. You could spend every waking moment and never see the same thing twice.
There is more pornography than there are hours in history. And saying, because it sells because it makes money because it’s one of the, we’ve all heard that sex sells and it’s, it’s the easiest way to separate a fool from his mother. Yeah. Well, you know, people say, well, well, I don’t pay for it. I just use the free stuff.
That means if you’re not paying for it, that means you are the. Exactly. Exactly. If, if you’re getting something for free, that means that you are the product and you think you’re getting something for free. Well, how much time did you just sit in front of that? How much is your time worth to you? And that’s really what it comes.
People need to realize that their time is value play. You think just because you’re not paying money. You it’s free, nothing’s free opportunity costs. It’s called opportunity costs. You’re giving up one thing you, so you can do another thing. Exactly. It’s the strangest thing because that’s how a lot of people validated, oh, this isn’t a problem because I’m not paying for it.
There’s there’s people out there that spend thousands of dollars a month on only fan. I’m not doing anything. It’s a weird thing for me because on one hand, I’m very pro sex worker. However, you need to make your money, go make your money, make your money. But on the other hand, it is an issue. There is a severe problem with people’s focus on this.
It’s a really tricky thing because how, how do you. Fix that and it, cause it’s an individual problem. And let’s talk about that. So the bad news is that we are very easily influenced. The good news is that we are very easily influenced. So how can someone use hypnotherapy or whatever to overcome their addiction?
Well, everything in life is association. It’s a learned behavior. That generally is what leads us to our addictions. It’s it’s usually some, some self-loathing or lack of self worth, or an attempt to validate. It’s something that exists for a reason. And with hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy is different than talk therapy.
And that we, we don’t just sit there and talk about your problem. It kind of a looks like for the first half normal therapy, because I’m sitting here and I’m asking you, how does this make you feel? When did this start? All the normal therapist. But what I’m looking for is clues and what the, what your language is, what your metaphors are, how you describe your problem, because that’s the language of your subconscious later feedback to you and hypnosis.
When we have these obsessions, these addictions addictions, not necessarily a bad. Because are you addicted to porn and drugs, or are you addicted to success in helping other people? Because we can, we can easily speak about our compulsion to do good. We can easily speak about our compulsion to exercise.
What is daily exercise, if not an addiction to physical fitness? So addiction is a weird word. It has only negative connotations, but it can. Used very easily, the same part of my mind that gets so obsessed or that God so obsessed with sex and drugs and money is the same part of me that I can make, get obsessed with books or a case, or it’s the same thing that in me that lets me learn skills rapidly because I become super focused on these things.
And they all depends on where you come from, why your addiction exists is showing people how to take that part of their personality and apply it to healthy, productive things. A lot of my work with be it smoking or weight loss or whatever I’m dealing with, where it involves a change in habit and a change in personal.
I don’t take anything away. That’s a bad idea. Cause when you take something away, something else might fill in the space and that’s something else that fills in the space might not be productive. What I do is I add, I add positive behaviors and I add positive thoughts. The idea and function of that is eventually these poor behaviors fatal.
So with the addiction, adding something into your life. Exactly. Rather than focusing on not doing the third going it’s always easier to add a positive than to reinforce a negative. And sometimes you do need a little negative reinforcement, particularly with smoking sometimes. That’s that’s just a small aspect of this.
This edition of positive behavior always sees to a compensation, this other behavior fading. So the work comes into why does this addiction? Happen. Why, why is this, why are you seeking out these things to begin with? How far does this go? When was the first time you did this? What do you remember thinking examining the start of why this behavior exists?
And sometimes it’s unusual where it started. I tell this story all the time and I’ve gotten her permission to tell it, and it’s kind of unrelated, but it serves to illustrate. Exactly how odd our associations can be sometimes. And even though we don’t think about. So I had this woman come to me for smoking cessation.
She had tried everything in the past and as I often hear she, I was her last resort. She chain smoked Marlboro reds and had done this over years through the course of working with her over a few sessions. I come to learn that this woman was very, very close to her grandfather and she lost him very.
Could you guess what type of cigarettes this man smoked? Marlboro yo. And so that’s what she was doing, whatever she was scared. Whenever she, she needed that affection, she fell from her grandfather. She would smell. And it wasn’t the tobacco. It was the smell. She had never realized this. So all we did is we did some homework, figured out what cologne her grandfather wore.
And now she puts a little bit of that on a handkerchief in her purse. And whenever she feels that same need that she felt before, she just smells his cologne and he’s taken back to that same place. That that’s awesome. But it serves to show, we don’t really know sometimes where our behavior comes from.
You might think that you’re addicted to these behaviors because of one thing, but it’s something way earlier that you never even thought about something you heard or saw, or an assumption that you made, something that was taught to you. That was so long ago. It doesn’t even register anymore as that is the cause.
So Robert, how can, if someone wants to work with you, do they get a hold of you? Do you do zoom calls, absolutely. Website, a website, www.twinravens.org. I have international clients. So it doesn’t matter where you’re calling from. If you are on earth, we can work with. Robert, thank you for sharing your story with us today.
We’re going to close with a quote from the psychiatrist in master hypnotist. You spoke about earlier, Dr. Milton Erickson, who said “Most people walk through the world in a trance of dis-empowerment. Your work is to transform that trans into EMPOWERMENT!”