Powerful Eric: Welcome to Porn Talk, Porn Talk is not just about breaking addictions it’s about breaking belief systems. A belief system that I’m looking to shatter today is that generally teenagers and older view porn. Well, actually much younger than that views porn. I have my guest today we’re going to call him Bruce. That’s not his real name we’re protecting his identity because we don’t want his son to get the repercussions of the show, because this is about his son viewing porn. Let’s just go right to it. Bruce, tell us what happened with your son in pornography.
Bruce: Okay. He has a smartphone, he is about 12, and I just one day said to myself to look through this phone. He had 20 some odd pages up on a web browser, most of them opened to porn. And then, so, I asked him about it. Of course, he at first denied it. And I showed him you know, I said something like, “so, If I look at your phone, I’m not going to see anything embarrassing, nothing on there that you don’t want me to see?” He answered and said, “no”. And, I said, well, go ahead and open up the browser. And he screamed, ” oh, yeah, alright”. And I had my finger over the screen about the open it up and show him. And he said, “yeah, I was looking at porn”. And I said, well, you know, this is wrong, you did it, you didn’t mean it, you knew it was wrong. And I went on to explain, not only is it wrong, just because the rules say it’s wrong, like my household rules, but also, it’s illegal. I said, if you got caught looking at porn, you know who will get in trouble? Not you, me, because I’m your guardian. And that seemed to affect him, then I also said, you know, this country has to be 18 to look at porn. So, when you’re 18, I guess I can’t say much about it. But until then, don’t do it. Well, then it was maybe a few months later the same thing happened again, basically, this time it was his phone. Of course, he’s grounded from his phone for a while, 3 or 4 months at least, it was quite a while. And then, so, long story short, I caught him yet again.
Powerful Eric: But he took, so, he took really no steps to even hide it. So, he had, you said he had 20 something browser pages open?
Bruce: That’s correct, and I think that was really just his ignorance. I think, I don’t think he had a clue that I would actually look at his phone, and probably didn’t technically know how to hide it very well. Okay, so, then it advanced, a few months later, and then it happened again. And that’s when he broke down crying and saying, “I can’t stop doing it”.
Powerful Eric: So, this is a 12 year old boy. Do you have any idea how long he had the phone?
Bruce: He had it for a few months, but I cannot answer if he has been looking at it, on other phones at other times. Because I wasn’t necessarily in charge of the other phones that he had, previous to this one right now.
Powerful Eric: Right. Where did the other phones come from?
Bruce: His mom.
Powerful Eric: I see. And just personal background. Bruce is divorced, so, his mom does some things that he’s not–
Bruce: And frankly, she will give her kids things like that and not have, it seems that she doesn’t know, she has no desire, no awareness about marketing, things like that. She just doesn’t do it.
Powerful Eric: Yeah. So, this is a 12 year old boy who, let’s say for, within a year he’s already says, he said, basically saying, he’s addicted to porn. He said, I can’t stop. Right? Those exact–
Bruce: Yes, he was crying, he seemed sincere. Yeah, sometimes a kid, and I did this as a kid. I cried as it is because, it is that I got caught. He seemed sincere.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, I talked about this In one of my first shows, in that when I was a kid, and we are about the same age, when I was a kid, if I found a playboy or something like that, I really thought I had something, you know. And since then, the Playboy magazine no longer exists. I think it’s online now, but the magazine doesn’t even exist anymore. And it’s so soft now. I mean, now these young kids have access to hardcore porn. It just, it makes me sad.
Bruce: Did I tell you what my friend told me? I have a female friend who is about our age. And she has two sons that are grown, and she said, “one of the new trends among young people is that, they’ll have anal sex and not vaginal sex and, be able to say, well she’s still a virgin”. Because it was just anal. It’s just laughable to me, it’s just ridiculous, a ridiculous notion.
Powerful Eric: Wow. So, they want to have anal sex instead of regular sex to prevent getting pregnant?
Bruce: No, it’s just so, she can say she’s a virgin.
Powerful Eric: Oh!
Bruce: So, she says she’s a virgin.
Powerful Eric: Oh, wow.
Bruce: Yeah, I’m still a virgin, because they didn’t have vaginal sex. Yeah.
Powerful Eric: Wow.
Bruce: Yeah. And this is the point.
Powerful Eric: Right. Well, so, tell me what is the state of things right now with the phone and your son?
Bruce: I monitor his phone, and as far as I can tell, he’s not accessing any porn.
Powerful Eric: So, how do you how do you monitor his phone?
Bruce: I use an app called “The Parents Century”, and just look at his phone, as he picks it up, and he knows I can look at it any given time
Powerful Eric: Yeah, and we’re not on here endorsing any particular product or anything like that one, one that I had used successfully was called fundamental. But I understand it may have some bad reviews, but I didn’t have any trouble with it. But anyway, you might check those out. And now, knowing what you know now. If you could go back in time, and hand him that phone, like, without any filter or anything on that, I mean, what would you think of a parent, knowing what you know, giving them, giving their child just a phone unfiltered?
Bruce: Unfiltered, without any access to the internet?
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: It’s like handing him a back rub, it’s ridiculously irresponsible.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, I’m going to go a step further, and say, that it’s knowing what you know.
Powerful Eric: That it’s child abuse. Who would take, let’s say, I had this book box of porn filled with all the hardcore DVDs, and magazines, pictures, and even names and phone numbers of people that you might want to hook up, and I just took that. But, within that book box though there was some good stuff too, you know, I don’t know. Good books, you know, so, I just gave you that person, that’s ridiculous.
Bruce: That makes complete sense, especially the age, he is my analogy about the drugs. Let’s say again, this 12 year old box of proper pharmaceuticals and street drugs, and he doesn’t know or doesn’t have the wisdom or maturity to decide what’s good for him. There you go, that’s very important.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, I really do. Now again, I just to state, knowing these facts that it’s one thing you when you don’t know. But when you know, and you give your son or your daughter a phone, unfiltered, you’re handing them the world’s largest library of pornography, pictures and not only that, it’s actually much worse than that. You kind of dropping them in the middle of a bad, the hood. Your kind of dropping them in to the hood, you know with predators, sexual predators and pornographers and dealers. It’s scary. But now you have, you do have him monitored. So, has there been any, anything that’s happened since he’s been monitored?
Powerful Eric: Okay, great. Now, one thing that I know from the business that I’m in here, is that some people will say, well, you know, my darling child would never view pornography. And let’s say that’s true, let’s say your darling child would never consider viewing porn. Well, we know that okay, maybe they won’t, but their friends are going to show it to them.
Bruce: Yeah, and that’s how my son found out about it, he told me–
Powerful Eric: Yeah, tell that story if you don’t mind.
Bruce: Oh, I can enlighten you. Well, the first time I kind of took part of the blame on myself for not, having been proactive and not doing it ahead of time and so on and so on. The second time it happened though, I laid it to him pretty good and say, “this is wrong, you can go to prison, you can go to jail. And so, that’s kind of how I went about it.
Powerful Eric: Can you tell us; can you tell that story?
Bruce: Oh, about the text? Oh, yeah, that’s it, in fact, that’s how I found out, that was the first time. There was a text on his phone, he told me he texts his friend and said, “he is to come over let’s eat”. And, his replied, saying, “don’t tell me these things”. And, you know,
it’s kind of like when, I had that moment of like looking at the phone like, is this what I think it is? And I’m like, what? And that’s when I looked at the web browser, and so, we had to talk about, also the appropriateness of things like that. And, remember, I talked to you about this, and I gave you the advice of, like, don’t just lay down and criticize and tell them this is wrong. Advise them, you know, tell them at your age, your hormones are developing, your body is changing, and, you know, frankly, masturbation is part of life. It’s going to happen especially at your age, but it’s your private activity. Don’t share it I mean, we laugh about it now, but now, but I mean, sometimes when I was that age, I would tell my friends,” hey, I just knocked one off”. You know?
Powerful Eric: Yeah, but everybody when we were kids didn’t have access to hardcore porn.
Bruce: Sure. And so, this has been an educational for me to say the least, you know, it has really helped me think about not just the porn part of it, but overall values and demo things, Eric, where you like, I’m sure the same experiences once you became aware of this problem, you see it everywhere. You see everything sexualized, and I’ve been reading articles about these children, what do you call it? They sell children and its basically slavery.
Powerful Eric: Sex trafficking.
Bruce: Yeah, sex trafficking, that’s it, porn rains, you know, have children. And I don’t mean like 17 year old, and 10 and 11 year old girls and boys being sold to very rich people in the United States, not Thailand, in the USA, you know, being sold and rented out to be like prostitutes.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: And, so, I had this thing going on in my brain, and I see things that, you know, like Instagram or models, apps, this has like, what I put into gratification apps, you know, and I understand the appeal of like Instagram and Pinterest. There is like, you have like two or three seconds, and you click along, you know, you’re looking at in depth. Anyway, you see the sexualization of these children, so now the Instagram, they become Instagram models, and they’re like 8 years old. So, like bikini photos of pre-adolescent girls.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: They are modelling, they’re in sexy poses. It’s not like it’s just the clothes ad for girls’ swimsuits.
Powerful Eric: Right.
Bruce: You know, they’re just standing with makeup, and like I said, sexy poses and these children’s parents are doing this. It’s not liked this girl on Instagram, who has real name up there is kidnapped. You know, that is her parents having her hair done, makeup and all this stuff, and sexualizing that 8 year old girl, and that is, it’s just devastating.
Powerful Eric: Yeah. It makes me really sad. The sex trafficking thing, I don’t think people realize what a huge–
Powerful Eric: Thing this is, and it’s in every state in the United States, and this is, comes from St. Louis, Missouri, and we’re right in the middle of the United States. It’s a big thing right here because, you know, all the highways not come through here. But it’s everywhere and around the globe. And you need to protect your child from predators, and a way of doing that is putting some filters on your phone.
Bruce: And actually, look at the phone. And that, yes, put a filter on it. They can’t ask for porn stuff like that, the obvious stuff, but look at your kids’ phone, look at who they’re texting. Make sure you know the names, and ask them about it, talk to them about it. Oh, I see you’re talking to Jane about such and such. How’s Jane doing? But what you’re really getting at is, who the heck is Jane? You know, who, are these actual kids you talking to? Or is this some kind of a scam? I mean, it is so many stories you’ve read, I’ve read, and people have seen about you know, the 14 year old girl is lowered to a hotel.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: I mean, I would hope and pray and I’m sure would think that my son has the sense not to go to a hotel by himself.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, but they’re very, through very tricky with on the ways you know I read about on how they lower them. One of the ways at least with the girls that I read is that they you know, they totally flatter them, and the person tells them that they’re in love with them, and that’s the big thing that oh, this person’s in love with me, and especially if they’re in a household where there is no father around, they are even easy more an easier prey.
Bruce: I watched this scene, or rather read about it, the other extreme of, if you say anything to anybody I kill your parents.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: Basically extortion.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, and that’s how, what was that, the girl that was kidnapped from her house and that they have found her a year or so later. This guy, just kind of broke into her house in the middle night, and he said, “if you shout or scream I am going to kill your family”. Smart–
Bruce: I remember something like that, yeah.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, she’s actually got a great video on YouTube about how she is now, and she’s doing really well. But getting back to your son, so, as of right now it appears that he’s not accessing porn, at least through that phone.
Powerful Eric: So, what would you do? What would you say to somebody that’s listening now, a lot of the people that are listening now are people that are struggling with a porn addiction or struggling with a sex addiction. However, a lot of these people, have kids of their own, what would your advice be to them?
Bruce: Well, the thing, the top thing, I’ve already said, and that is, be aware, observe, look at the phone, look at the computer that they’re using, look at their browsing history. You have every right to be nosy, and like, you know, the friends of my son want to argue about it and say, I did take the phone away, that no one even thought twice about it. You know, we live for generations upon generations that has smartphones, a 12 year old doesn’t need a smart phone.
Powerful Eric: That was my next question. Why does a 12 year old need a smart?
Bruce: Well, and so, why did I get my son a phone. Because, frankly, I can’t trust his mother. You know, so, I want to be the provider of the phone, so, I can monitor the phone, I would be in charge of the phone, and he could call or text me whenever he was away. So, I had to have, actually what I thought of, is, if this happens again. I’m going to get rid of smartphone and give him an old fashioned flip phone, where he can get only contacts.
Powerful Eric: Again, and just for our viewing audience just so they know, Bruce actually has sole custody of his child, which as we know, is unusual. Usually it’s usually, it’s the mother.
Bruce: Let’s just say it was for a good reason.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, exactly. Now that question about, does a 12 year old need a smartphone? One issue that had come up, I have a 4 year old boy and I also have a 6 month old boy, and the issue that had come up, was not for giving him a phone but for letting him play with a, just a little iPad. Seems innocent enough. There was an interview done with Steve Jobs, about the iPad. He’s now, he’s been deceased for many years now. And in the interview, they asked him, ” so you know, how do your kids like the iPad”? His response was, I won’t let them play with it. Here’s Steve Jobs, the creator of the iPad, would not let his kids have one. Now, if that doesn’t say it all, I don’t know what does. I am going to be on a radio show, and the radio show, the host, Gia Valenti. She’s got a great book called “The Magnificent Melvin and Moxie”. And it’s a fictional story about a family, about them, not giving cell phones to their kids. In the book, I think they’re around the age of 10 years old, I could be wrong about that. It could be a little more can be a little less. But that as a family, they decided that they were not going to give their kids smartphones and I understand wanting to be in touch with your kids. I get It, I understand, but I’m just saying, it can be an option and the phones are expensive too. I mean, who would have thought back in the day of giving your child a quote and quote toy, we will call it, for several hundred dollars. No one would even think of that. Bruce, what do you think about not giving a kid a smartphone? Is that even an option now? I mean, we get–
Bruce: Absolutely. Like you were just saying, is it really necessary, does he or she really need it? Of course not, my blood and critical thinking, it’s lazy parenting. It’s an electronic babysitter, it gives your kids something to do when they are in the doctor’s office. Or, you know, the kids, and you know, little kids, like 2 or 3 years toddlers, sit in the grocery cart with mom and has to have their face in the phone. What world is this?
Powerful Eric: Right.
Bruce: To me it’s just completely foreign. And there’s just no way, you know, I mean, you discipline a child. You know, and anyone who always get their kid an A.D.D, because all they’re getting is gratification. It says, a toddler is a toddler.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: You know, I had to understand that, I had to give all my attention.
Powerful Eric: They don’t know how to be bored.
Bruce: Right. It’s like, when they are saying they’re bored. I’m saying, okay, be bored. Look out the window.
Powerful Eric: Yeah. Now the thing that’s going to come up with the kids at eventually some age. Well, everybody else has smartphones, why can’t I have one?
Bruce: Because I said so, I have no problem with that. I have no problem saying, well, that’s the choice of their parents, that I didn’t agree with that. I have different values. So, let’s say, let’s just continue that train of thought, you know he wants a cell phone, so, he can play these games online with his friends. Sorry.
Powerful Eric: Yeah.
Bruce: Not happening, you know, if you would invite them over to play on the console at home or you go to their house and play on the console at their house. Again, the smartphone, it is certainly making it too easy. You know what I mean? It, like, oh fine, I have the smartphone, I don’t have to worry about calling my buddy and inviting him over, we can just do it online. And then that leads to a much bigger discussion, you’re online as you shift through placing relationships, which is not a fair, to me, it’s not a fair comparison, but that’s what people do. Yeah, I mean, I have to stand myself out of it, like for instance, the first day I wake up, I wake up because the alarm is on my phone. I look at my phone, I have Facebook alerts, I’ll be on Facebook, half an hour later, I am like holy crap, it’s been half an hour since my alarm went off.
Powerful Eric: Oh yeah.
Bruce: And the time just flies by.
Powerful Eric: Yeah, I know.
Bruce: You have to discipline yourself.
Powerful Eric: Yeah. And that’s a whole other show. I’m literally doing right now, what I’m calling a digital detox. And it is amazing, now that I have, it’s been approaching 3 weeks now, something like that, without being on Facebook and things like that. And oh my gosh, I spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook. I realize it now, that I’m not doing it, it’s incredible. So, but giving a child a smartphone unrestricted is, it’s just, it’s just like, you’re creating an addiction, maybe some addiction to porn, maybe some addiction to social media, or constant texting. But it’s, this is a huge issue that’s going on now. If you’re not addressing it with your child now, it will come up later. Yeah, you know, you can either be proactive now and address that now or react later when whatever catastrophe comes up. And I was talking, it’s this has been some time ago I was talking with someone about what I do. And he said, it’s funny that we’re talking about this, but my daughter, we happened to look at something she was doing online and there was a man that was trying to lower her into some type of sexual situation. And so, it’s really important. It’s a huge issue. Please take proactive steps to protect your children, there’s a lot, there’s a ton of resources online, on protecting your children. We mentioned the capital fundamentals, a program you can put on your phone What’s the one you are you’re using?
Powerful Eric: Century, I mean, there’s a ton of things you can use. Like I said it, you can either address it now, proactively or react to it later when it comes knocking at your door. Well, thanks, Bruce. Thanks for being here. Thanks for sharing that intimate story about your son. And if you want some resources, I’ll post on my Facebook page or on my Powerful Eric page, some links to resources. You are designed for accomplishment. You are engineered for success, and you are endowed with a seed of greatness.