Are you burning hours, days, months, or even years of your life acting out with Porn?
Have you missed family events, social gathering, or even work acting out to Porn?
Do you find yourself buried in shame after watching porn?
Do you feel like you given up your life force …your power…to porn?
If you answered yes, to one or all of these questions…man I know how you feel I have been there!
I am going to talk about overcoming addiction to Porn. Yes, that’s right overcoming the addiction to pornography. I am going to tell you my personal story about my addiction to pornography and how I overcame it. This was my deep dark secret. Most people who knew me…not even my best friends knew I had this problem. I was too ashamed to admit it.
Like I said I know how you feel. I have been there for most of my life. I did not believe it was possible to get off this nasty train. I am not hear to judge anyone who chooses to watch or not watch porn. I am not here to tell anyone to stop viewing porn. I am here to tell you how porn messed with my life and how I overcame it. For me pornography was having a very detrimental effect on me and my family:
Late night binge “hang overs”.
Presentations tongue tied
Missed a lunch with my friend Heather who had cancer. I missed the lunch to act out. She died before I got to see her again.
Missed countless social events.
Burned lots of money.
Burned countless days….yes entire days.
Confidence was shot. No self-esteem.
I started to formally fight this monster in January 1999. That month I started attending 12 step meetings for sex addiction. I attended 12 step meetings for about 20 years. Although 12 step programs work for allot of people, they just didn’t work for me. I know I am going to make a lot of people angry with these statements. Hey I am not telling you to stop going to 12 step meetings, I am just tell you MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with them. I know these program help a lot of people, but they just did not help me to get off porn.
I was to introduce myself as “Hi I am Eric and I am a sexaholic, or Hi I am Eric and I am a sex addict, etc. etc. etc. Branding myself like that I felt was detrimental so I changed it a little bit and said “Hi I am Eric and I am a recovering sexaholic”. Adding the word recovering did help a little bit.
The first step is to say we are powerless over the addiction. I admitted I was powerless for 20 years, but it did not help. I understand where they are coming from. I really do, but for me it was disempowering me…saying “Hi I am Eric, I am a sexaholic, and I am powerless over porn was detrimental affirmation. I have studies personal development for most of my life. I even promoted seminars for a famous speaker/trainer. What I was learning in the 12 step programs was the opposite of the empowering messages I was learning in the self-development field. I felt incongruent from who I was. Again, I am just telling you my experience in the 12 steps. If it is working for you great. Stop this video now and move on.
I was told this is a disease. This is called the disease model of addiction. I never felt like I had a disease. Did I catch it? Was I born with it? Was it environmental? I just never bought that model. What I learned is that this is a habit. A bad habit for me. Habits can be broken. Habits can change.
I learned new ways to act out. In the meetings many people would go into detail about their sexual exploits. Then if the participant did not tell there escapades we would read from a book called Members Stories. These Members Stories were triggering as well. When I would hear one of these stories I would be like “O I never thought of that, or I would like to try that”.
By far the best thing about the 12 step meetings were the fellowship, the friends you would make, the community that was there for you. Sharing with people enduring the same hardship was helpful. I do believe attending 12 step meetings for this purpose alone is worth it. But the fellowship was not enough to keep me from doing porn.
Also, I might add, I have been on all kinds of mental medications like Prozac and even was on a drug for Alcoholics to limit cravings. Plus countless hours of therapy. While these things were useful they did not keep me from acting out with porn.
So I told you all the things that did NOT work for me. What did work for me?
Well I stumbled across this app about Mindfulness by my now friend and mentor Craig Perra. He spoke about using the science of Mindfulness to overcome my addiction to pornography or any addiction for that matter. Mindfulness the opposite of addiction. Addiction is doing something automatically without a lot of thought. You are triggered my something like a hot women on a Facebook. Mindfulness however is consciously focusing on something.
When I was starting this different program…no one was introducing themselves as “Hey I am Mike and I am addicted to porn. No one said that. In fact it was quite the opposite. Hi I am Mike and I am working on adding exercise to my life. I had to create screen name or handle to log into the system…just on the spur of the moment I put POWERFUL ERIC. For 20 fucking years I have been saying how god damn powerless I am over this ‘disease’ and it was not working. So finally I found a program were I can say “I am powerful!” “I am Powerful Eric”. At the risk of getting preachy and I hope I don’t alienate people by saying this, but in the Bible Joel 3:10 says “Let the weak, say that I am strong!” Does it say God made junk and let them say they are powerless? NO it says “Let the weak, say I am strong!!!”
You don’t understand Eric…I really am week, I am not confident, and I a physically disabled. My come back is the same. Let the weak say that I am strong. My coach in the mindful habit system Coach gave me this amazing affirmation “Every day and every hour I turn my pain is turning into power!” I change this awesome quote pretty often, but one of the variations is “Every day and every hour god is turning my weakness into power!” or “Every day and every hour god is transforming my fear into power! “Let me close with this. You are powerful and you are a genius. What…what…now you tell me I am genius? Hear me out. Every single person on this planet is good at something. Even a genius on how to do it, the challenge is it has been buried in crap for years and no one including you can see it. Here is another awesome quote “I am a genius and I apply my wisdom.” “I am a genius and I apply god’s wisdom”.
Just so you know I now help others to overcome the porn habit. I am a certified mindful habit coach. What that means is I can help you get off porn and quickly. Drop me a line or give me a call. I would love to talk to you. There is another way. There is hope. End the porn habit. Reclaim your power!